I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
