i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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