He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
