My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
