I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Randomize
