that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
