can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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