I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
