Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
