I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
