she woke up with a sticky ear
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
