if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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