Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Welp...herpes.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
