So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
