how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
