just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I touched a dick in church today
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
