Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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