Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
