he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
