They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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