Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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