i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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