he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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