so that wasnt chicken after all
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
