I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
