Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
