I met the friendliest cop last night
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
