Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
