Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
