so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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