plz talk dirty to me
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
