The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
