I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
