i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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