Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i drank out of a bidet.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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