And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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