i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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