I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
