No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
