unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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