the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
