clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
