Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
