i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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