I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
