I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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