Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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