I wish I could teleport
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
