She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
