My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
