I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
