he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
