if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
